Saturday, September 25, 2010 / 7:11 PM
Her whisper is the lucifer;;
I really feel kinda sad that I lost my major SHAWOL-ness when RDD came out and practically
everyone fell for them.
I miss the times when I spazzed over MinHo's absolute hotness. Key's ridiculous diva-ness, Onew's preciousness, Tae's mix of manly and childishness and Jjong's unf-ness. Really.
There was the one time I woke up one morning and looked at my wallpaper, thinking that they were just really
awesome. Not for their looks, really. But because of their talent and the way they stood out in KPOP. It was before RDD, before they became, idontknow...
But really, I've gone through too many periods when my SHINee love poofed and vanished. I'd lose it, then find it again somehow. But this time, it's been really long. Ever since they became so well-known. I've thought they became overrated and superficial. Fake, really fake. Like, the feeling I had towards them were just a result of shallow-ness. Because everywhere I looked, people were going mad over them for reasons I felt shallow. And maybe, I thought I was just like that? And that what I liked about them were all just fiction.
But today, it just kind of occurred to me I would never say I hated them. I would never say I don't like them. There's still that pull of attraction that's never left I guess? They were a big thing in my life, second only to 501. I thought I would never waver in my support of SHINee. But with everyone rushing to get a piece of them, I guess it was kind of overwhelming and I started thinking too much about it. Which made me now, overlook them, something like that I guess. I hated that everyone only appreciated them after RDD, I hated that people who didn't give two shits before were trying to spazz
with me over SHINee.
I loved them. I really did.
I'm just not sure if it's still there today.
And I just feel kind of, sad.
I said it once, that I find it a really sad thing to lose a fandom. But I never felt sad over losing the feeling of being a Shawol. Until now. I realise, that I really do miss the names, KeyJjongDubuTaeMinho. I miss thinking that the five of them were special, to me.
I don't matter. Like, to them or to SHINee World because I'm just me. One of the
manymanymany Shawols around. But it's important to me. I don't know why. The circumstances around me losing Shawol faith is too messed up and blurry for me to make out what I think about them.
They're special. They really are.
Always have been. They have a place in my heart, somewhere. I don't know.
But I can't ever say they don't matter. Cos they do. In their own way. :/
We're all hypocrites, you know.
and I think too much about idolism.
But I dont want to become those who love blindly, mindless fangirls.
It's not just about fangirling.
It's so much more than that. Something important, needed to be thought out
The SHINee I fell for.
A.MI.GO.// Juliette.
