Wednesday, June 2, 2010 / 7:00 PM
Reminded of then;
The kpop love is fading, fading. Fading. Seeing the superficiality of why I like some of them has started to make me think about what exactly do I like about kpop.
My love for SS501 stands strong though. It's transformed into Love&Respect. I respect them more than anything, and my love for them is a mixture of admiration, support, and plain, inyourface love. The 5 of them on stage, together, is one of the most beautiful scenes I've seen. 501, my inspiration. Not just pretty faces.
It started with SHINee, when I first realised that they weren't what I made them out to be. Or more accurately, that they aren't what I want them to be, what the media and public want made them out to be. I began to see the scripted lines behind every joke they said onscreen. Soon, every movement, every smile, seemed acted out to me. I really don't want to admit it, even to myself, that my love for SHINee, the five guys I once adored, has dissipated into what can only be described as an adoration of their talent, songs, and dances. I don't know if I can classify myself as a Shawol without feeling guilty. There's love left in me for Key. Funny, seeing that MinHo was my guy in SHINee. But I guess I'll always like SHINee, just not crazy over them like I was, once.
The only other group I've felt that was higher than other groups is 2PM.
I guess they're better off than SHINee. But all the same, Idol Army just seemed totally fake to me, despite many many others saying that 'This is the real 2PM. No acting, the real them.'
I just can't tell myself that its just nonchalance when punishment were dealt out, and their expressions did not change at all. Isn't it a little strange, that when you receive a punishment you apparently feared and you end up just showing a disappointed expression? But somehow, maybe because I wasn't as deep in the Hottest mindset as I was with Shawol, the decline ain't as bad. But its there, surely.
You know what I'm going to get bitchslapped by any Hottese/Shawols that stumble here. But I don't care, this is the first time I'm really being honest to myself regarding this.
My love for kpop, the motivation behind most everything I've done for the past I-Do-Not-Know-When, is fading away. I don't think it'll ever go away though, cos the music that korean artistes produce really are of high quality. Just that the obsession stage is gone. It's faded into a sort of like sinkingtothebottomlikesand kind.
The feeling that I shouldn't love SHINee, probably is because I don't anymore. Cos the feeling's gone. And if I continue forcing myself to love them and telling people I love them I'm becoming fake as well.
There're too many such people around already. I'm not planning on becoming one of them.
I guess this is why I've been putting emphasis back onto Mandopop/Cpop. Personalities aren't revealed as easily, and that reduces the chance of any acting done. At the very least, what I see won't make me like it enough to be in over my head, and I wouldn't be let down at the end of it.
Alien and Show are the exceptions, and that is why I've found something different in the two of them. Ever since I started watching YLBFB, which was...I really can't remember when. All the way until now, they've hardly changed. I haven't been a big fan of them for very long, but I've sure been noticing them for a long time. They've been ridiculously funny since forever, they were what they presented themselves to be-normal people. Their sick jokes, retarded mistakes, showed how they're people just like us. But everything else just shows me how they're normal people whom I've somehow come to love more than I should.
You know what.
Show and Alien admit their flaws, show off their flaws. YLBFB ain't scripted, sure they do act while on camera. But thats needed, they can't exactly show their anger on TV, can they.
I realise that this post really is kind of messy, it's kind of being used by me to sort out what I'm thinking yeah.
Show, ahhahah this...thiss.... WHATDOICALLHIM? I can't call him guy, it feel funny. Man? No that sounds more wrong.
Okays anyways, Show is someone whom I've changed attitude towards. From GoshHe'sSoHot to Wow, he's so....real. You know? I mean, yeah he's vain. Yes he COULD be a little proud sometimes. But everything else he does overbalances those. The hardships he's gone through, the effort he puts into his dancing, his thoughtfulness and gentleness. The way he's a natural comedian, and is terribly serious when he needs to be. Those, and many other aspects of his personality, turned him into someone much more than a hothothot singer, and also much more important, to me.
But for some reason, XiaoGui has a bigger place in my heart. His complete inability to hide his embarrassment, his persistence throughout his whole time in the entertainment industry. How he expresses himself through his words and drawings, haha even how he shamelessly brags about his certificates and the social status he had in school. His loud open laugh, his greatly improved singing. The side of him which can only be observed and perceived, not shown. His cheers for Show from the grandstands during the time he was majorly underrated, his neverending passion and sincerity in everything he does. No matter if its his lifelong dream -singing, or even something as simple as a hypothetical question.
I realised all these points I've come to love about him, I've come to understand from the past 3 or 4 years. But I've never ever stopped to think about it, looked at everything he has clearly enough for me to tell myself that yes, he is different. He is someone worth adoring, worth the spotlight. He's the only person I've ever put and ever will put on the same level as Kyu. Kyu is the first one I've found to be perfect, but Alien will be the one that has taught me that looks aren't everything. That once you're perfect from the inside, everything will fall into place.
I agree with the person who posted something that triggered this whole post, that people should have some depth in liking an artiste. It's thanks to her that I'm able to see that many of my supposed loves, were nothing more than what I told myself to accept them as.
BEAST, MBLAQ, SJ, SHINee, FTI.
The past year, I've been so caught up in the whole kpop craze in Singapore that I've forgotten that the only reason why I got into kpop was that 'Find' put into words in the form of music what I was going through at that time. The lyrics didn't matter, cos the melody brought me to tears.
And thats the reason why kpop was important to me- the music was good.
But that truth has been overshadowed by outside opinions, and I lost what I saw in kpop.
XiaoGui was the one who brought me back crashing down to Earth.
He reminded me that I was still able to differentiate truth from a well disguised mask. When my ShowAlien love was returning, it was because of HMS. Where, I quote myself, "It was mostly cos Show was so hot."
But when I found myself getting more and more drawn to him during that period of returning to mandopop and these two of my once-liked artistes, I remembered of how, when I realised that I loved Kyu more than anyone else, I remembered that looks really aren't what defined a person.
Thank you, personwhoawakenedme. And ThankYou, Alien Huang, 黃鴻升.
iloveyou, nodoubt
Labels: 501love, saranghaeyo, xiang
